Thursday, September 25, 2008

ebar-ass-ery part 3

I'm frankly getting tired of reliving my douche-fan episodes - so i'm going to squeeze the last few into today's blog.

Sarah Mchchlcglchlichlaughchlinclaughlin:
Fumbling toawrd ecstaacy tour - had discovered her via the no alternative compilation and fell head over heels for the album and her looks - this was pre-lillith and she had this gentle, natural beauty thing - plus the talent. i wanted to marry her. anyhow - she was doing an instore at boston tower records. it was on my lunch break. i'd never seen her live and thought i'd check it out. this was all i expected and she came out and did a couple of songs and it was great - then they said ok - you (pointing at me) are first in line for the meet and greet. I panicked. I didn't know enough about her or her music to have any real meaningful conversation - and i wasn't sure i trusted myself not to blurt out something horrifying like "marry me?". Fumbling for something to say i picked up a cd single to be signed and waited till they started the line moving. At just that point someone behind me in line said the words "her show in worcester got cancelled last night because she was sick" (apparently not about sarah but some other act who was playing in worcester the night before) (i didn't know/grasp this) (it was enough for me). So when a second later i was ushered into her presence i greeted her with: "hi, so glad to see you're feeling better" and when she dog-tilted her head in non-understanding i followed with "you were sick last night." she said - uh, ok. thanks. and took my cd to sign. She apparently was unaware of the existence of said CD from her label and called her people over to puzzle over it looking back at me. in my further panic i must have felt that they were implying i bootlegged it or something - i said: " i didn't do it - i just picked it up over there" and they all laughed at me. I said thank you and went back to work. i am not married to sarah mcclachlin to this day as a result.

This should have been First and formost - the most important of all - when listing the celeb's you've met - should come the godfather himself - James Brown. This one isn't as personally mortifying as the others but left me feeling like an idiot nonetheless. It was 96 or so - may i believe and i was on a trip to Vegas with a girl i was hanging out a lot with and a bunch of her friends - cool people but people i'd only known a few months - i was like what the hell - its a bunch of people who like to drink and a trip to vegas baby - why the hell not. Long story short the girl who initially brought me into the group and i weren't as friendly by the time the trip came around as we'd been when it was planned - so i spent most of my time buddied up with her cousin's fiance Joe. Joe was a cool dude - sang in a band (had coincidentally sang with me in a HS talent show years earlier as a last minute fill in - something that took us a week of hanging in vegas to realize!) - anyhow - i believe this was pre-swingers - or at least i hadn't seen it - but we were in rat pack mode the whole time - drinking and joking and laughing and looking for rat pack locale's etc. one particuarly lame joke we kept coming back to (one of those jokes that might have been funny, as an idea, for 10 seconds the first day- but that by the end of the trip had everyone wanting to 'very bad things' us into the desert) was to sing offensive rock lyrics tony bennett style and think we were the shit. you know "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wanna fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you liiiiiiiike an animal - hey!" sorta stuff. well picture us, last ngiht - las vegas airport - standing on the curb while the girls in our group check their 100000 lbs of luggage (from a 3 day trip) at curbside checkin. A GIANT purple limo pulls up behind us but nothing seems to come of this for a bit - so Joe and I slip back into character and start singing again. "IIIIII don't want - HEY - anybody else! HA! When i think about you i touch myself!!" when suddenly i realize only i'm still singing. i turn around to find joe, ashen faced - looking at James Brown standing one foot from us taking our pathetic scene in and sort of sadly shaking his head. Joe recovered quickly enough to actually speak to the man and ask for a photo and a few words - which, whatever he thought of us, James happily obliged to - as for me i was too mortified to ask for anything and just wound up saying hello and shaking the man's hand. better than i deserved.

So yeah - if you've read them all you'd understand how with the additions of a few similar but less interesting to tell episdoes (black crowes, the church, etc) how by 97 or so i'd developed a policy of staying the hell away from musicians who i liked until a little later in life until i got a bit more in control of my social anxiety and tendancy to be an idiot... ( a bunch of people who know me well right now are saying "he grew out of that????" =)

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